Ten of the Best Worst Guy Movies

Monday, March 19, 2007

Today I decided to put this together. I almost substituted Waterworld in for one of these ones, but what the heck. Enjoy!

10. The Beastmaster – A sword-and-sorcery fantasy about a young man’s search for revenge. Armed with supernatural powers, the handsome hero and his animal allies wage war against marauding forces.
What to look for: Tanya Roberts in a loincloth.
Best Quotes: Dar – I’m Dar.

9. Over the Top – Lincoln Hawk (Stallone) is a struggling trucker who’s trying to rebuild his life. After the death of his ex-wife, he tries to make amends with his son who he left behind years earlier. Upon their first meeting, his son doesn’t think too highly of him until he enters the nation-wide arm wrestling competition in Las Vegas.
What to look for: The trademark “hat turn” before each match.
Best Quotes: Lincoln Hawk – The world meets nobody halfway. When you want something, you gotta take it.

8. Tango & Cash – Ray Tango and Gabriel Cash are narcotics detectives who, while both being extremely successful, can’t stand each other. Crime Lord Yves Perret, furious at the loss of income that Tango and Cash have caused him, frames the two for murder. Caught with the murder weapon on the scene of the crime, the two have alibi. Thrown into prison with most of the criminals they helped convict, it appears that they are going to have to trust each other if they are to clear their names and catch the evil Perret.
What to look for: Terry Hatcher as Stallone’s little sister Katherine “Kiki” Tango.
Best Quotes: Ray Tango – Rambo? Rambo’s a pussy.

7. Cobra – A gang of neo-fascist thugs, led by the self-proclaimed ‘Night Slasher’, are breaking into people’s homes & cars, then killing them at random. When of of these thugs holds up a food store & takes hostages, Lt. Marian Cobretti (Stallone) – an intense, take-no-prisoners cop, is brought onto the scene to end the hostage-taking.
What to look for: Brigitte Nielsen when she was still kind of hot.
Best Quotes: Marion Cobretti – You’re the disease, and I’m the cure.

6. Starship Troopers – In the distant future high school kids are encouraged to become citizens by joining the military. What they don’t know is that they’ll soon be engaged in a full scale war against a planet of alien insects. The fight is on to ensure the safety of humanity.
What to look for: The hot Dina Meyer and Denise Richards. Also has Neil Patrick Harris and Michael Ironside (the voice of Splinter Cell Sam Fisher and veteran of the tv series “V”).
Best Quotes: Johnny Rico – I’m from Buenos Aires, and I say kill ‘em all!Want the top five? Then you’re going to have to take the jump.

5. Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins – An NYPD cop is ‘killed’ in an accident. The death is faked, and he is inducted into the organization CURE, dedicated to preserving the constitution by working outside of it. Remo is to become the enforcement wing (assassin) of CURE, and learns an ancient Korean martial art from Chiun, the Master of Sinanju.
What to look for: Kate Mulgrew before she took command of Star Trek Voyager.
Best Quotes: Chiun – The trained mind does not need a watch. Watches are a confidence trick invented by the Swiss.

4. They Live – Nada, a down-on-his-luck construction worker, discovers a pair of special sunglasses. Wearing them, he is able to see the world as it really is: people being bombarded by media and government with messages like “Stay Asleep”, “No Imagination”, “Submit to Authority”. Even scarier is that he is able to see that some usually normal-looking people are in fact ugly aliens in charge of the massive campaign to keep humans subdued.
What to look for: The crazy fight scene between Roddy piper and Keith David.
Best Quotes: Nada – I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubblegum.

3. Commando – Colonel John Matrix has retired and is living with his 10-year old daughter in the country. His Daughter is kidnapped to assure that Matrix will kill the president of a latin American country to allow the return of a dictator. Matrix escapes off a plane flight and has until it lands to rescue his daughter. Matrix must follow the clues he has and solve the mystery in time.
What to look for: Hot Rae Dawn Chong and a young Alyssa Milano. There are a host of other know stars like Bill Duke (Predator) and Vernon Wells (former SAS Commando that looks like Freddy Mercury).
Best Quotes: Matrix – You’re a funny man, Sully, I like you. That’s why I’m going to kill you last.

2. First Blood – John Rambo is a disoriented Vietnam Vet (ex-Green Beret). He is hitchhiking from town to town to see friends from the war. A sheriff tries to make him leave town and when he refuses, arrests him for vagrancy. While in jail, a deputy takes delight in abusing him. Rambo escapes showing his old Vietnam fighting skills and takes to the woods as the sheriff and deputies try and find him in his element.
What to look for: The great Richard Crenna and Brian Dennehy. Also has a young David Caruso (CSI: Miami).
Best Quotes: Rambo – I could have killed ‘em all, I could kill you. In town you’re the law, out here it’s me. Don’t push it. Don’t push it or I’ll give you a war you won’t believe. Let it go. Let it go.

1. Big Trouble in Little China – An All-American trucker gets dragged into a centuries-old mystical battle in Chinatown. It’s a classic!
What to look for: Kim Cattrall as Gracie Law.
Best Quotes: Jack Burton – Like I told my last wife, I said, “Honey, I never drive faster than I can see, and besides… it’s all in the reflexes.”
Jack Burton – Ok, you people! Sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we’re not back by dawn… call the president.

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