Secondly, Matthew Mchaugnehehey, or however you spell his damn name is a terrible actor, and shouldn’t have been Dirk Pitt… ever. He can’t even tie his shoe, how can he be an actor? Tell you what Matt, go back and watch a Time to Kill, get some talent, then come talk to someone about being Captain America.

Thirdly, the Steve Zahn character, while I enjoy him very much was 100% different from the book. Al Giordino is a brick shit house, who’s quiet, and very well spoken. Steve Zahn is a plucky dink who says the wrong things at the right time.

Fourth, Penelope Cruz sucks ass. Period.

Fifth, In the book, there was a little more play on the mine that the doctor, and her crew were kept in, digging for gold. Very little of that in the movie at all.

Sixth, the dialogue was written, obviously, by a man who got hit in the head with a baseball bat. Clearly the guy who wrote it doesn’t care too much about good dialogue, and cares more about how creepily white McConaugheys teeth are. DIrk Pitt is a genius, and very poignant, and fantastic in every way. THIS Dirk Pitt was like a handicapped guy trying to throw a spear while thinking of something to say at the same time. Not too good.

The scenery was good. William H. Macy was good.

So if you wanna see this movie, I recommend falling down a flight of stairs, then head butting a wall, then popping your popcorn. WHile you watch it, make sure to have someone poke you with a pointy stick so you get to remember that you’re still alive, and haven’t died and gone to purgatory for some unknown reason.

I am disappointed in Cussler for allowing this, and I hope that if they make another of his books into a movie, they do it fucking right. Tom Clancy isn’t the only good writer out there!